so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
