Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
