so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize