I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
only if we run a train.
done.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
