girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
