Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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