You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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