I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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