Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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