wanna go halves on a baby?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize