He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
