I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
