he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
