U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
