Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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