Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
