I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
