my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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