i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
