last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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