This is not my ceiling
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
