you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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