According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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