Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He shit in the fireplace
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