Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
