So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
