i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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