I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
