We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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