When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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