I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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