Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
