whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Randomize