omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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