Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No subtext here. People are naked.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
