According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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