True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
