the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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