do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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