My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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