make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
