I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize