i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
