Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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