my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
