She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
