i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
