Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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