We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
two words...techno handjob
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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