uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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