no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
