I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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