Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
