one two three fourrrrnication!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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