Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
