Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
