Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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