Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize