Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
