Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
