she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dick very happy bro
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
