you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
