The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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