After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
