My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
