Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Randomize
