Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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