yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize