Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
