my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
try to milk me bitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
