If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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