Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
