Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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