why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
