Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
