it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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