How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
