you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I showed him my bush... on skype.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize