is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
