high people should be assigned attendants
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
