Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
