I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
