Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize