Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
