you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize