Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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