bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
