I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
