And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
