i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
