Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
